DATING | CULTURE
Should You Date Single Asian Mothers?
For pretty much every person, history is more than a subject in school. It’s their past and the experiences therein, the things that shape a person and make them who they are. But sometimes, that history is a little more corporeal than just some memories. Sometimes, that history is a whole other person.
Asian women are highly desired by a certain subset of men because of the belief that they are more traditional than their western counterparts. There’s a belief that their views on relationships and romance will make them more docile and subservient to their husbands and there are some men that want that.
While Asia does have a lot of single women that are open to the idea of dating foreign men, some of them come with a little bit of history of their own.
There are a lot of single mothers in Asia who are trying to find love. A lot of them don’t succeed because there are guys who either can’t or won’t date them just because they are single moms.
But we all have our preferences. So what happens if the person you DO want to date is a single mom? And what if you don’t know how it should work out? It can be challenging at the onset, and while most men won’t even try, it might not bother you at all.
But while it is hard to date a single mom, it’s not all that complicated.
Be considerate of distance and of her time
Living halfway across the world from a significant other can be difficult. Besides the distance, there’s also the time difference that comes with the distance. She won’t always be available to answer calls or text back immediately.
Even if the distance isn’t the issue, Asian women are taught to prioritize their children and their education, so she may not be able to go out on a date because she’s busy tending to her kid, or she’s helping them with homework.
So if you do find yourself dating an Asian woman who had a kid and not a partner, then you need to be considerate of her circumstances and the culture that brought about those circumstances.
Get her family to like you
Families tend to be protective of each other. But a lot of Asian families tend to be very close-knit. Doesn’t matter if they’re Chinese, Filipino, or some other ethnicity. If you’re trying to get with a woman, then you’re going to have to deal with her clan.
This can be much harder when it’s a single mom. The family is going to want to be protective of the mom since she’s likely been burned before either by an unworthy man or being widowed when she was supposed to build a life with someone.
Not to mention they’ll also be protective of the child. People are instinctively protective of their kin, and those protective instincts are even stronger in the case of children. So you’re going to have to really step up if you want them to sign off on you not just taking the mom away from them, but also the kid.
You can’t just get them to like you. You have to get them to trust you implicitly because you’re going to be taking two (or more) of the most important things in their lives.
Be supportive of her
Raising a kid with a loving and supportive partner is hard. Raising a kid all by yourself is exponentially more difficult. So a guy that’s got it into his head to date a single mom should be supportive of her and he should also be ready to help her out with the things that she needs.
Now, helping her out might be hard when you’re halfway around the world, but while distance can impede emotional support, it can’t stop it entirely. You can send her messages telling her how good of a job she’s doing or that she’s got it handled or that you can’t wait to help her out.
It may not be much, but a few words of support and encouragement can make a world of difference to some people, even if a language barrier can keep the point from fully coming across.
Win the kid over
When you’re dating a single mom, you’re not the most important person in her life. If you’re lucky, then you’re second. A distant second, but second all the same. You might bridge the gap a little bit by the time you get married, but you’re not going to overtake her kid.
Because the kid is the most important person in her life, their opinion is going to hold a lot of weight, particularly when it comes to a potential stepfather. So it’s going to be important for you to win them over if you want to make any significant romantic progress with their mom.
Be sure that its what you want
It’s not an easy thing to marry a single mom and it takes a special kind of man to step up and be a dad to a kid that’s not biologically his. Not all men are capable of it. Some men think that they are and then reality quickly disabuses them of that notion.
If you’re not absolutely sure that you’re ready to be a stepdad, then you have to end the relationship. Pursuing it when you’re not sure that it’s what you want is just going to end up hurting you, her, and the kid.
Some people think that a family is a man, a woman, their kids, and maybe a dog. While the definition has changed and shifted over the years, some people hold on to that notion and want to have it in their lives.
And some people get it the old fashioned way. They meet someone, they fall in love, get married, have kids — the whole nine yards. But some people get a family behind a white picket fence in ways that are unconventional. That doesn’t make it any less valid. They just went about it in a different way.
