NEWFOUND LOVE
Love Is Sweeter the Second Time Around: Is It Worth It?
Couples break up. Relationships end.
No matter how happy couples are during the early stages of their relationship, there are certain reasons why some of them decide to end their romantic connection.
Part of dealing with a breakup is remembering the moments you and your partner have shared with each other, and these memories may influence your decision as to whether or not to move on from the past.
In 2013, a Kansas State University study found that couples who got back together assumed that their romantic partners had changed for the better and improved in terms of communicating in the relationship.
Some studies, on the other hand, describe the love of ex-partners who got back together as prosaic or unromantic.
It is imperative for both parties to weigh the minor and major factors as to why there is a need to reconcile and get back together, considering that there is a concrete reason why they both separated.
If You Think a Second Chance is Worth Taking
- Both of you should be on the same page about giving it another try.
Communicating about the possibility of getting back together is important for you and your ex. The more you agree with each other’s reasons for reconnecting, the more you become sincere in going through the process.
By this time, you both lay down the boundaries and other considerations to make sure that you both are doing your part in the relationship.
Breakup coach Chelsea Leigh Trescott expounds that the most effective way to rebuild a romantic partnership is to give each other time for independence and self-inquiry. As a result, you will be able to recognize the lapses that occur in your relationship that will likely cause it to end.
- You should recognize the problem and talk about it.
Rhonda Milrad, a relationship therapist, explains that once ex-couples get reunited, they should be able to alter their routine and customs in the relationship. This is one way to avoid some of the causes that led to their initial breakup.
With that said, both must be open to changes in their conduct.
The importance of acknowledging the past creates an avenue to be willing to be accountable for one’s wrongdoings, instead of blaming the other party for what happened.
They need to know how to be sincere in asking for apologies. Empathy should not be withdrawn.
- You should take the process slowly.
It’s not always ideal for ex-couples to immediately get back together. If you want your relationship to work the second time around, you need to spend more time getting to know each other’s intentions.
Ideally, you and your ex need to go back to the first stage when forming a relationship — dating. It may appear lengthy, but this prevents serious relationship complications in the long run. But what makes this process with your ex different is that you do it with the guidance of a counselor.
If your family, friends, and peers start to meddle in your reconnection, inform them of your intentions.
Most of the time, they interfere to discourage you from making your decision to get back together or to encourage you to think about it more.
- You should maintain authenticity in all aspects.
When you are planning to be reunited with your ex-lover, it is very important not to have a recurring relationship. This is not a light switch that you can just turn on and off anytime you want.
You and your ex must maintain honesty and human decency for you to achieve the goal of the situation, which is giving your past relationship another chance.
Both of you need to understand that there are likely to be changes in each other’s treatment since the day of the breakup.
And the purpose of maintaining honesty is to prevent previous problems from occurring. The relationship must be stronger, healthier, and more sincere than the last one.
Because if not, it will only end up being toxic for both of you.
Reasons Why Getting Back Together Might Not Work
- Your past isn’t resolved.
If the reason for your initial separation is infidelity, addressing it prior to reuniting is crucial and necessary.
It is toxic and unhealthy for both of you to get back together without changing each other’s treatment and behavior.
Before deciding to accept your partner for the second time, you need to set the standards and rules. Just make sure these rules don’t belittle their presence in the relationship.
But if your partner is still the same partner you’ve had before, then there is no good reason for you to get back together.
- You don’t share the same level of interest.
Both of you have equal responsibility to exert effort in making the relationship work. However, some people don’t mind if their partners are their relationship equal or not.
If your ex doesn’t do anything beneficial to the relationship you both are supposedly working on, then their level of interest is lower than expected and is not helpful in the process.
- Trust is broken.
Without trust, you won’t be able to feel secure in the relationship. Thus, you can’t give your full confidence and faith towards your partner. The relationship becomes unreliable.
If trust is no longer valuable in your relationship, it is very unlikely that the relationship you are giving another try will work.
Second Chances Must Be Given For Valid Reasons
At the end of the day, only you can decide if you want to give it another shot. As long as you and your ex are on the same page about reconnecting and making it work, it shouldn’t be a problem.
Remember, regardless if it’s someone new or someone you’ve dated before, the moment you let them into your life to show you love and affection is the same moment you allow them to cause you pain.
Researchers assert that breakups are harder on the part of the person who initiated it. That’s why there are a few people who have become uncertain of their decision in ending the relationship. As a result, most of them choose to reconnect with their exes.
Dr. Noelle Nelson, a psychologist, states that for as long as the relationship doesn’t have signs of serious issues, such as abuse, giving it a second chance is worth the try.
Couples just need to make sure that they practice healthy communication.
Both parties must evaluate their motives as to why they have the need to reconnect. With that being said, reconnecting means being completely honest with each other.
People must not choose to get back with their exes just because they have the feeling of loneliness, boredom, or that they’re terrified of not meeting the person who is meant for them.
You need to do it for valid reasons.
