Mixed-Collar Dating: Will Women Date Someone from a Lower Social Class?

We’re living in a time where social classes are evidently coming apart.

Social classes are living farther and farther away from each other. With gated communities, apartments, and housing dividing the higher and lower ends, the physical division between classes is evident.

Socially, the distinction between classes is becoming clearer. With specific lifestyles, beliefs, and opinions that can fit one class more than the other. Vacations and dressing up, for instance, are relatively more upscale for the affluent.

All this division then begs the question, can people still be attracted to those from a different social class than theirs? Especially those from the lower strata?

Psychology says it’s debatable.

When talking about attraction, what characteristics do you look for the most in an ideal partner? — Is it physical attractiveness? Kindness? Religiosity? Or financial capability?

In 1986, psychologists David Buss and Michael Barnes interviewed people and tasked them to rank 76 characteristics about what they value most in a potential partner.

The majority ranked “kind and understanding,” as a top characteristic. Though men did value appearance more highly than women did, and women valued good earning capacity higher than men did, neither ranked these measures among the top characteristics.

At first glance, the result looks promising.

It shows that people don’t care about social class nor attractiveness when looking for a partner. For a hopeful searcher from a lower class, this is good news. Given that your circumstances in life won’t limit our search for love.

However, take this information with a grain of salt.

It is important to note that generally, participants of surveys like this are not always forthcoming. Consider the factor of positive response bias. This means that participants sometimes choose their answers based on what they believe is socially acceptable.

In fact, according to an article from Psychology Today, chances are people commonly base their attraction on someone’s status.

The article illustrates attraction as a pyramid composed of three layers.

Each layer represents a particular factor that affects how you’re attracted to others. It places factors such as status at the bottom, emotion in the middle, and logic at the top.

The point of this pyramid is to show what factors are the most in your attraction — status, and what factors the least — logic. It illustrates that status is the most important factor for attraction.

There are two types of status — internal and external.

Internal status consists of confidence, skills, and beliefs. While your external status includes your career and material possessions.

The bottom line is that the wealthier you are in these, the more attractive you are to others.

Is attraction to status just theory or reality?

While the media tells us that relationships across classes do happen, in reality, that rarely ever is the case.

In fact, despite society giving people more choices, there’s still a continuously increasing number of people who marry people from the same social class as them.

At face value, this assumption could be logical given the following reasons:

1. This can be associated with similarity.

People tend to gravitate towards those they have most in common with since they are able to resonate with each other. They have around the same lifestyle and upbringing, and they are able to understand each other more.

It can’t be denied that people coming from the same social class are compatible with each other. Given that they might have the same opinion and beliefs shaped by the closely similar environment they grew up in.

When it comes to proximity, or even the chances of them meeting, people are very likely to cross paths if they have the same social status. Not to mention, they could also through mutual interests, friends and even at work.

2. There’s also the factor of predictability.

If people go out with those from the same class, there are already higher chances of them having stable lives. Though having more than enough money and resources from the start isn’t enough assurance that they will last, but it does have advantages.

For one, starting a family isn’t troublesome if you have enough resources.

3. Security

The stereotype about women being attracted to rich men exists for a reason.

Whether we like it or not, there’s always a possibility that people take advantage of other people. But by being with someone from the same social class, there’s the feeling of security of certainty that they aren’t likely only there for the money.

4. Avoidance of judgment

We can’t please everybody. Wherever we go, there’s always a possibility of us getting judged for whatever we do or whatever choices we make. Such is also the thing when it comes to choosing who we will be with.

Whenever a couple has an evident social class difference, people are quick to jump to conclusions about the relationship. There are those who believe that, again, one of them — specifically the one from the lower class — is only there to take advantage of the other.

This is perhaps why people have unconsciously chosen to be with and only entertain those from the same social class as them.

Therefore, is love across class impossible?

Romance across classes is possible. For one, when women think of relationships, they think of the future — what would come out of it.

Not just what’s already in the present.

Yes, they think about wanting a stable life, a life void of debts and financial distress. But having someone from the same social class doesn’t necessarily assure this. After all, things can change. Material resources and wealth can diminish.

More than money or riches, women value someone that could get through any possible issue with them, someone who can be with them through ups and downs. They don’t have to be rich, but as long as they are capable enough to live through problems.

Having love in common

People rarely get into relationships solely and initially because of status. Perhaps, rationality makes us consider status when forming relationships. After all, it’s only practical for us to look into financial stability.

But then again, love rarely depends on logic alone. There are a lot more factors to consider when it comes to relationships. With this, status is not always a determinant or foundation of love.