ADVICE
Impacts of Owning Up to Mistakes in Relationships
I’m sorry.
These two simple words weigh a heavy impact on how a relationship will end up.
Your connection with your family, friends, and romantic partner is built with love and understanding, but a single mistake may ruin everything.
Conflict and misunderstanding are inevitable in relationships. Sometimes, people get upset about petty things; but most of the time, it is caused by a serious mistake.
Ideally, it is expected for couples to extend their patience and compassion to their partner’s flaws. However, that doesn’t solve the problem.
Others choose to stick to their principles and stand their grounds despite the negative impacts they may have on the relationship.
Your principles influence your decisions, and sometimes it has something to do with your ego. So when you act on things, you tend to do it with certainty.
But considering that you are in a relationship and the result of what you do is not how you expected it to be, your partner will surely give their two cents about it.
Consequently, you react negatively. You don’t acknowledge your mistakes. You’re not open to criticism from your partner.
Why?
Perhaps you don’t want to be seen as low and weak?
According to the study of Dr. Ilona Jerabek and Deborah Muoio in 2019, people hate to admit their mistakes because of the following five reasons:
- They hate to feel low and weak.
- They tend to have deep-seated insecurities.
- They tend to have an extreme need for approval from others.
- They tend to be perfectionists.
- They tend to be offensive when someone points out their errors.
The worst thing about this is that you try to look for a scapegoat — sometimes your partner — and as a result, it’s as if you haven’t done anything wrong at all.
The fact that you and your partner come from different upbringings, you are bound to follow contrasting beliefs and have underlying flaws. You should be able to acknowledge that.
As such, you need to be aware of why it is important to own up to your mistakes.
You establish trust.
Sometimes, the effect of committing a mistake breaks someone’s trust and your own. But the moment you start admitting what you have done wrong, you give yourself and others a chance to rebuild trust and eventually restore the bond that was broken.
You gain respect.
In leadership, owning your mistakes is a great quality to possess. It only means that you know what you’re doing, and you know how to solve things once unprecedented circumstances occur. This is similar when one makes a mistake in a relationship.
You are giving the impression to your partner that you know that not everything will go well. At the same time, you are willing to retry, but with their help.
You dismantle your pride.
It is human nature to make mistakes. Anyone who believes that they don’t commit errors is fooling themselves. The time you recognize your wrong actions, you are lowering your pride, which is often the culprit of not being able to own your mistakes.
It takes genuine humility to admit that you didn’t do something right.
You enhance your relationship.
It takes two to make a relationship work. Engaging with your partner is a necessary measure to maintain a healthy companionship. This means facing conflict together and owning up to each other’s mistakes.
Non-avoidance of conflict and admitting you are wrong help create a relatable environment where both of you are allowed to be honest with your struggles, failures, and needs.
The 90/10 Principle
Dr. Stephen Covey, one of Time magazine’s 25 most influential Americans, worked and popularized the 90/10 principle.
This principle explains the impact of your reaction on a certain event or scenario, which in turn affects your mood.
To make it clearer, Dr. Covey explains that you can’t control 10% of the events in your life.
For example:
You are commuting every day from your house to your workplace, and one day, you experience heavy traffic because there has been a collision of two vehicles. As a result, you arrive late in the office.
You have no power to prevent the accident from happening; however, you can control your reaction to the situation.
The other 90% of events are the outcome of your reaction.
To continue…
You arrived late to your workplace because of a road accident. When you start to work, you are so upset and stressed because of how your day started. You easily get annoyed. Up until you arrive home, you still feel agitated.
If you recognize that 90% of what you feel every day is based on your reaction, you will know how reacting negatively will affect your mental disposition.
In relevance, when someone gives their sentiments about what you’ve done wrong, don’t be cynical in a way that you don’t allow people to correct you.
You need to listen and absorb the helpful words of your family members, friends, and romantic partner because their intention is to let you know what you did wrong and provide ways to prevent it from happening again.
Your reaction matters.
Swallowing Your Pride Doesn’t Insult Your Principles
There is nothing wrong with having a little pride. It is an emotional response or consciousness about your dignity as an individual. It also provides self-assurance that you will thrive in your personal and professional endeavors.
However, what makes pride unhealthy is when you are blinded by it and struggle to admit that you are wrong.
In fact, out of 4,727 people who took the Self-Esteem Test in 2019, 67% hate admitting that they are wrong, while 11% are apologetic for committing errors.
Right now, it’s important that you slowly recognize your errors and acknowledge them because it creates a more meaningful and healthy relationship with your partner.
Your pride, ego, and principles are with you the moment you open your eyes to the reality of life, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t compromise and adjust to the circumstances.
Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist, asserts that when you admit that you’re wrong, you show compassion, empathy, and sympathy. She also adds that you become objective in your decision and acknowledge your imperfection.
Most importantly, swallowing your pride doesn’t make you less of a person.
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