The Dating Habits of Chinese Women
Despite being an economic juggernaut and one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world today, China has managed to keep many aspects of its 3,500-year-old culture.
As far as dating standards go, the way we do casual dating nowadays goes against many old-world standards in this conservative society, which values rituals and traditions above all else.
Doing things the new way can be challenging, but not impossible.
China’s dating customs have made a slow yet steady evolution over time. A prime example would be how people used to rely on matchmakers, conforming to rigid tribal and familial standards, whereas today, they simply have the freedom of choice to find and choose partners on their own.
Globalization and the natural course of social evolution have, of course, made their impact as well.
Also, as large as China is, the degree to which people practice old customs will depend heavily on the region they live in.
If you are interested in finding a partner from China, it is important for you to learn about both the old and new ways of dating in China.
Traditional Chinese Dating Culture
In order to appreciate the modern dating landscape, we need to take a dive into ancient Chinese tradition.
In ancient China, marriage between a man and a woman rarely had anything to do with love. It may seem hard to imagine now, but the marriage was a more strategic and utilitarian process. It was done mainly to forge bonds between two families, which stood to gain status and even power.
At the time, the proper age for marriage was 20 years for men and 16 for women.
The sān shū liù lǐ, which translates to “Three Letters and Six Etiquettes,” is the foundation of China’s long-standing rules on courtship.
From 1046 BC to 771 BC, this rule served as a guideline for courting Chinese women.
At the time, there was a heavy reliance on matchmakers and social-gathering festivals, where these customs were practiced. The custom is divided into two parts: the letters and etiquettes.
The Three Letters
The three letters served as formalities, documenting each meeting between the two families. These are the betrothal letter, the gift letter, and the wedding letter. Without them, the wedding would be considered null and void.
1. Betrothal Letter
This letter comes first in any traditional Chinese wedding. It was to be given by the groom to the bride’s family to express his intention to marry, signifying the start of the engagement.
Before drafting the letter, the groom would seek guidance from a matchmaker, who would determine the couple’s compatibility through fortune-telling and the matching of birthdays.
2. Gift Letter
This letter contains a list of gifts that the bride and groom desire for the wedding, and was to be given to both sides’ parents respectively.
The contents of the list were considered very important as they signified how many blessings, good luck, and good fortune were to be bestowed upon the marriage.
During this time of courtship, both families would decide on the wedding date according to astrological signs.
These signs could indicate that the pairing was so lucky that the wedding date could be flexible. Other readings, however, determined that exact date and even an exact time of the wedding had to be prescribed.
3. Wedding Letter
The wedding letter is the final letter written in any traditional Chinese wedding. The groom would give this letter to the bride’s family as a sign of welcome to the new husband’s home. This letter signified the unification of both families.
The six etiquettes consist of the following and are done with the assistance of a matchmaker.
- The proposal, which is done by the matchmaker
- The matchmaker matches birthdays to determine the compatibility of both parties
- The man presents the betrothal gifts
- Both parties pick a wedding date
- The wedding ceremony
Dating in China Today
While certain traditional elements remain, dating in modern-day China will resemble dating in just about any other country on earth. There are, of course, certain nuances to pay attention to if you want to date successfully, but your current dating experience should translate well when dating a woman from China.
An important thing to note is that while the tradition screams conservatism, most younger generation Chinese are quite open-minded.
The stages are hardly any different from anywhere else — you begin with the introduction, then you date, then you become exclusive.
While you can meet dating age Chinese women through social gatherings and acquaintances, online dating sites and apps are the quickest way to meet other single people.
Now here’s the caveat — if you want to go into the “dating phase,” you need to express to the girl that you are interested in her. This ensures a level of exclusivity between the both of you, and from here on you are free to truly know each other on a much deeper level.
What Matters in Chinese Society
Here is what you may need to know about Chinese women before you even consider taking the next flight out.
Material affluence matters.
This means that either you be the provider of the family or at the very least earn more than her. As intimidating as it sounds, it’s usually worth the effort.
When you first get to know a Chinese woman, she will want to know what you’re all about. Expect her to ask questions about your job or business and how much you earn. While this might seem somewhat unusual in the United States, this is her way of filtering out her suitors.
So if you consider yourself your own man, don’t hesitate to put it on the table.
In the end, she will be loyal to you. And if you like a healthy level of honesty and bluntness from your woman, you’ll definitely like this about Chinese women. They do NOT beat around the bush.
The Dating Phase
How couples date, on the other hand, is dependent on location. Although casual dating is normal in most urban cities, rural areas remain to be more traditional. Cities like Shanghai and Beijing are very modern, but marriage is still the primary goal of dating.
As mentioned, material affluence matters. If you have it, flaunt it.
Shower her with gifts if you can. It is also normal to wear matching attire in public as a way of showing you are together. Women in China will flaunt their relationship status, even as a way to compete with their friends and peers.
Marriage is always the end goal of Chinese dating. Parents still hold major influence, so be sure to get on their good side.
The mindset of marriage will always exist as a tool for gain, whether it is simply a gain in status or much more.
It may not be as prominent as before, but it will be prudent for you to be aware of their history and tradition when courting a woman from China.
If you are interested in learning more about dating women from Asia or would like to learn about our services, visit our site by clicking here.
