DATING & CULTURE
How to Give a Good First Impression to Your Filipina Lover’s Parents
Some people think that meeting your Asian girlfriend’s dad is like the final level of a really difficult video game. Sometimes it could be, but there’s just so many different cultural aspects of the numerous Asian subcultures of the world that make each situation unique, depending on where they’re from.
Truly, if it feels like her dad is the last boss in a game that you can’t beat, that might be because you’re playing on hard mode, which essentially relates to the culture of the woman you’re dating. Some parents are just a little harder to please than others, and that’s a reality that many people deal with every day.
If you have any previous experience dating a Southeast Asian girl, you probably already know how important family values are in their culture. Southeast Asians tend to have strict parents sometimes, particularly in the oriental parts of Asia, like China, Korea, and Japan — however, other Asian cultures may have less strict or less demanding parents.
As a whole, this observation shows us how important the family dynamic is in the fundamental culture of most Asian people — especially in Filipino folk. In the Philippines, family is the immediate key cornerstone of any household, and it dictates the course of somebody’s entire life at times.
Whether you’re dating her in her hometown or you met and began dating her in Western society, her parents will probably remain as they are. Filipino parents have a tendency to be traditional, conservative, highly religious, sometimes superstitious, and are quite focused on making sure their children take up highly-profitable professions.
Pinoy moms and dads are usually like this in most cases — whether they’re in the US or in the Philippines. However, many of the second-generation Filipino immigrants in Western societies (people whose parents migrated and gave birth to them there) tend to be less traditional and adopt more modern ways of thinking.
Chances are, you’re most likely dating a Filipina with parents who are first-generation immigrants (if you’re dating her in your own hometown). They probably moved there anywhere between ten to thirty years ago and settled down in the West to begin earning a higher pay and eventually go on to raise a family.
Her parents’ generation is still the living, breathing embodiment of their traditions and mindsets, encapsulating the ways of the Filipino people as they experienced it in full authenticity.
This means that there’s a whole lot of cultural aspects of meeting her parents that you’ll need to know before doing so. Your girl will probably tell you about this beforehand, but if you’re online searching for more conclusive and detailed advice, this is it right here.
Most of this is going to be a quick analysis of traditional Filipino culture, how that relates to her parents’ customs, and how you’re going to navigate this in order to prove to her parents that you’re a worthy suitor for their daughter.
It shouldn’t be too hard — after all, some people even note that despite being strict and having high expectations, Filipino parents still know how to have a good time, be festive, approach things light-heartedly, and not take themselves too seriously all the time like their oriental counterparts.
Catch them on their good side, follow these tips, and in theory, it should work like a charm.
We’ll begin by saying that..
They can’t help but judge you, so you’ll have to look and behave your best
In the eyes of many people, the scrutiny that Asian parents put their daughters’ suitors under has a reputation that lives in infamy. However, in Filipino households (and in the context of you being a suitor), they might not be so big on the fact that you’re not a doctor or bigshot CEO.
Nevertheless, they will observe you from head to toe and ask you some questions that may seem a little personal. Deep down, they just want to assess what type of man you are, how you bring yourself, and what values your character embodies.
If her parents are super traditional, they might think negatively of you if you have long hair, tattoos, piercings, you smoke, dress untidily, or neglect hygiene. To them, it’s a subconscious reflection of the household you grew up in and the people who raised you.
(In the Philippines, it’s common for people’s moms and dads to ask about your parents, since they probably know them. It’s a small world out there.)
Honestly, they can’t really help but judge you on the first encounter. The judgment doesn’t usually stem from any ill will, but rather from intense assessment of your criteria-meeting ability. There’s just a certain standard that you’ll need to reach.
However, don’t worry — it’s not that hard to get on their good side.
If you do have tattoos or long hair, it’s not that hard to make up for it if you practice respectful behavior and show them that you’re a man of culture and sophistication. Filipino parents can be strict, but they aren’t completely resistant to change.
After all, they’re living in the US, around so many different people. Most of them aren’t that stubborn — but some can be.
It’s easy for them to stereotype, but even if you look like a rockstar drug addict, you can still prove them wrong by showing them the proper lifestyle you live.
Leave your shoes outside the front door
Pinoy families like to keep their floors clean, and not wearing shoes indoors means less sweeping and mopping. If you’re meeting them at her house, ask your girlfriend whether or not you should leave your shoes outside, since some Pinoy families practice this, while more Westernized ones may not.
Refer to them as tito and tita
That means uncle and aunt. They’ll appreciate the respectfulness and your effort to assimilate Filipino tradition.
Remember to “bless” them
This is a traditional honoring-gesture that is shown to elders. It’s called mano, pagmamano, or amin. It’s when you ask to take an elder’s hand and gently press the back of it against your forehead as you bow.
Filipinos do this when they see their elderly family members, parents, or basically anyone of significance who’s older than them and deserving of respect.
Bring food or something thoughtful to share with her family
Pretty much every Filipino gathering is a potluck — everyone brings their own food to share. It’s the epitome of Pinoy hospitality.
However, you don’t want to look like your parents raised you to be a cheapskate, so even a minimal offering should suffice. (However, the bigger the better.)
Basically, these are the fundamentals — most of which are rooted in respect. Say please and thank you, practice proper table manners and etiquette, and just try to be the most proper and decent individual that you can be.
That alone speaks volumes about your character and will show your girlfriend’s parents that you were raised right, have good character, and will be a good partner for their daughter.
Good luck, everyone!
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