INTERRACIAL DATING
How to Introduce Your Foreign Bride to Family
If there are two things that are pretty much universal across the world, it’s romantic love and family.
But what about when these two things intersect?
Because those are two things that are bound to intersect at some point unless one or both people are estranged from their families.
Now, these two elements don’t always fit well together. Sometimes, family and a romantic partner don’t get along. It can be even harder when the romantic partner in question is from a foreign country. That can make it a little bit more complicated, particularly if there are some questions as to the nature of the relationship.
Maybe your parents prefer your ex. Maybe you’ve got a gossipy aunt that’s wondering why a girl from a foreign country is marrying you and has come to the conclusion that she’s marrying for something other than love.
You could choose to ignore these family members. Unfortunately, some people actually like their family and there are certain members that can’t be ignored, like children and parents that haven’t learned that umbilical cords are supposed to be cut.
Which means that you’re going to have to get them comfortable with the idea of you marrying a foreign bride, which isn’t as hard as it’s made out to be but is still a lot easier said than done.
Lay the foundation
First, you’re going to need to lay down a foundation. This means that you can’t just go on a trip to any country in Asia or wherever and then come back with a wife or a fiancé.
Let your family know that you’re dating someone in a foreign country so you don’t risk giving your geriatric relatives a heart attack out of shock, because killing a relative with your relationship is kind of a bad omen. So let your family know that you’ve found someone so no one drops dead of shock.
Pay special attention to your kids
If you have kids, then you need to pay special attention to them. Depending on whatever custody arrangement you’ve got going on with your ex, if said ex is still alive, then those kids are going to spend a lot of time with you. This means that they’ll be spending a lot of time with your new wife as well.
So you need to make sure that they can accept their new stepmother. Because kids and a wife that are in conflict with one another can make for a household that’s not exactly happy and a happy household is what you want.
On that note, try and get your ex’s approval if they’re still in the picture. Remember that your kid(s) and their kid(s), too and that they have a right to know about who’s going to be in the kid(s)’s lives. You don’t need their approval, per se. But co-parenting with an ex is a lot easier when the tension is brought down to a minimum.
Prioritize who needs to know what
If any of you have children, they should be top of the list. Out of all your family members, they’re the ones who are going to be most affected by the change. But after your kids come everyone else.
Your immediate family, parents and siblings, are next on your list. After your immediate family, it’s everyone else’s turn to be in the know about your relationship.
Make it known that she’s not a gold-digger, if that’s important
If you come from a wealthy and well-developed country and marry a woman from a country that’s in relative poverty, your relatives are going to speculate as to her intentions. They might think that your new bride is after a green card or your money and that she’s not actually in love with you but with what you bring to the table.
Well, you’re going to have to try as hard as you can to let your relatives know that that’s not the case. You can tell them about how great of a person she is. If she’s got a job or an education, you can tout them as proof that she’s just not some gold-digger looking to make a quick buck.
Now, you’re not likely to convince all your relatives and some of the ones you do convince are probably going to keep on harboring doubts regarding the nature of your relationship. That’s to be expected. You can try as hard as you want but real life isn’t a video game where you can reach 100% completion. There’s always going to be someone, maybe multiple someones, with a kernel of doubt.
Now, if she is a gold-digger and you’re okay with it, you need to convince your family that not only are you okay with the situation and that you’re getting what you want but that you’re also protecting yourself in case the relationship sours.
Introduce your family to her culture
Your family may be more accepting of a foreign fiancé if they’re not completely ignorant of her culture. Maybe find a restaurant with her country’s cuisine and take the important family members there so they can enjoy some of the food of where she comes from. If there’s a museum with an exhibit on her home country, maybe take them there so they get some idea of where she comes from.
It’s not a guarantee that they’ll eventually learn to accept your fiancé. But at least they’ll have some idea of her background.
Make it known that it’s your business and not theirs
Some people are never going to come around to your relationship. That’s okay. You don’t need them to come around. You’re an adult, you don’t need your mom or dad to sign a permission slip for you to get married. So go on and live your life.
A lot of people marry foreign spouses. They meet and find love all over the world. Sometimes, their families are happy for them. Sometimes, they’re not. But familial approval is not an important element of love. It’s good to have, but if not, don’t let that stop you.
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